These Days
by Persephone's Journey
Summary: A collection of 4 one-shots about Sawyer and Eric. These deal with how they deal, or not, with being away from each other. Set after Season 2 and right before Season 3. Each one shot covers one day in one year that Sawyer and Eric are apart. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**Year One: What Hurts the Most**

Eric sighed and rubbed his forehead and pushed himself away from the desk. He rested his feet on the corner of the desk and tried not to let his mind drift to Sawyer. It had been six months since she had left and every day was more painful than the last. He literally had to force himself to read the reports his man in New York sent him only once. He looked at the file sitting there on the file cabinet mocking him. He closed his eyes as the door to his office opened. He opened one eye and saw Jessica walk into the room and sit in the chair in front of his desk.

"Okay, so I am breaking all the rules and I stole Sookie's car to get here but... You need to read this," Jessica said digging in her bag and tossing a manuscript on his desk.

"And what is this?" Eric asked not touching the manuscript.

"Sawyer's new book. And... I don't think she meant to send this with it but it was stuck in between the pages."

Jessica pulled the folded papers out of her purse. She hadn't read the pages despite being very tempted. She had opened them once and when she had seen Eric's name on the top of the first page then had folded them back up and started to debate what to do. Talking with Hoyt had decided it for her. He had told her that if she had left him like Sawyer left Eric, he would want to have the letter no matter what it said. Jessica gently placed the letter on the manuscript. She watched as Eric just stared at the two items and didn't reach to take them. She watched Eric and knew that he was hurting. He looked up and met her eyes.

"Why did you bring them here?" he asked softly.

"Because if... If Hoyt was forced to leave me, I would want someone to give me any letters that he wrote me," Jessica explained.

Eric looked at the manuscript and the letter. He knew that whatever Sawyer had to tell him was probably going to hurt him but he needed to know. He reached out and placed his hand on the items and pulled them closer to him. He looked up when Jessica got up and walked to the door of the office. She gave him a smile before leaving the room and shutting the door.

Eric held the letter and slowly opened it. He saw Sawyer's messy handwriting on it and smiled a little. He remembered telling her over and over to write nicer and cleaner but her response had always been to stick her tongue out at him. Now, as he looked at her messy writing he realized that he wouldn't be able to tell her that anymore. She was lost to him forever. He sighed and started to read her words.

_Eric,_

_I can't do this. I am sitting here and the twins are just screaming and I realized that I can't do this without you. I am trying really hard but I just can't handle all this. Everything is too much and it just hurts... It hurts to the bottom of my soul. How the hell am I supposed to move on and forget you? How am I supposed to stop loving you? Fuck, I wish someone could enlighten me because I am so lost that I think I might be stuck in freakin Narnia._

Eric laughed despite the blood tears rolling down his cheeks. He put the letter down and ran his hands over his face. He could read between the lines and knew that despite Sawyer trying to be funny, she was losing it. He knew his lover and she was barely holding on. He took slow deep breaths even though he didn't need to breathe and told himself that he couldn't go to her. He was binded by Sophie-Anne's order but right at the moment he didn't care. He was worried about Sawyer. He grabbed the letter and kept reading.

_Jeremy tries and he is helping. He really is. God, I know you don't believe me. I can almost see you shaking your head and giving me that look. Oh, you know the one. The one that tells me that you don't believe a word I am saying. I miss that look. I miss all your looks especially... Especially the one you would give me when we were alone. The one that said you loved me and wanted me. Jeremy doesn't look at me that way. I know that no one will ever look at me that way again. I just... Everything was so right in Bon Temps and now here, in this city everything feels wrong._

_I finished the book and my editor loves it but I can't... I can't even look at it right now. I hate it. Does that even make sense? I wrote this story, I created these characters based on my friends and family but I hate the very sight of that damn manuscript. I know why too. It's because it represents everything we were. You're in it. I call you Godric but everyone will know it's you. My Viking; the one who everyone said was finished with humanity. He then falls in love with a human. It's like a fairytale. Only problem is, this story is never going to have a happy ending. And I really want it to. _

_Ardith and Aleryck have finally stopped screaming and now they are sitting here looking at me. I look at them and all I can think is that they deserved better. And no, Jeremy hasn't hit me but... The love isn't there. He tries but I think the twins know that he doesn't want them. I think they know a hellva lot more then I could guess. _

_I miss you ever damn day. This is never going to get better. I know it won't. This hole in my heart is just going to get bigger and bigger. I want you with me. I love you._

Eric read the letter again. He then looked at the manuscript. He grabbed it and flipped it open. He had a feeling that he wouldn't be sleeping in the near future.

* * *

><p>Sawyer leaned against the counter and closed her eyes. She could hear Ardith and Aleryck in the living room as they bounced in their swings laughing. She was glad that they were happy. She just wished that she could be happy as well. Six months had gone passed and she was still hurting over leaving Eric. She tried every day when she woke up not to think about him. And every day she lost that battle thinking about him at least a hundred times. The tears rolled down her cheeks as she thought about everything that her and Eric had planned together. None of those things were going to happen now. She was here in New York as far away as she could stand to get from her former lover and still she couldn't let go.<p>

She looked down at the ring Eric had given her. She now wore it on her right hand but the ache to put it on her left hand where it belonged, was too much. She twisted it around and around and closed her eyes remembering the night he had given it to her. The look in his eyes had been so unlike Eric; she had known right away how unlike him it was to pledge himself to her. She then remembered getting him the plain white gold band and how he had worn it with pride. She wiped away her tears and tried to not think about how much she missed him or needed him. The phone rang and she was thankful for the distraction.

"Hello," she said softly.

"I loved it. The rewrites are perfect," her editor, Emily said.

"Thank you, Emily it was only emotional torture to go though the manuscript and do them."

"Come on, Sawyer, don't be dramatic."

"I'm not being dramatic. Emily, you don't... Nevermind."

"Sawyer, are you okay? Usually you are happy when the book is finished and ready to go into publication."

"I guess to me this isn't just a book it's... It's my life. Or it was six months ago."

"What?"

"Godric is a real person. I changed his name for the book but I really was in love with a vampire. But I swear to God, Emily if you tell another soul, I will kill you in your sleep."

Sawyer turned and watched her children in the living room as she waited for Emily to say something. She knew that she had probably shocked the little bookworm. She closed her eyes and thought about the book that would be published. She knew that everyone in Bon Temps would read it; hell she knew that Eric would read it. She opened her eyes and wondered what the fallout would be when everyone figured out that Godric was Eric. She smiled to think of Pam's reaction. God, she missed Pam and her smartass remarks and come ons.

"You mean you actually had sex with a vampire?" Emily finally asked.

"I did several times in fact. And I even let him hold my children and watch over them... Alone," Sawyer mocked rolling her eyes.

"They are dangerous, Sawyer."

"Only to those who harm them. The ones I knew... They weren't dangerous."

"I just can't believe you actually hung out with vampires and walked away alive."

Sawyer closed her eyes and let silent tears fall. She hadn't wanted to walk away. She had wanted to spend every night with Eric. She had had every intention of marrying him. It was what she had wanted more than anything else. And now because of an ego trip of a stupid so called queen she was apart from the only person who had ever understood her. She opened her eyes and wiped away her tears. There was no use standing there and crying about her past and what couldn't be changed. She smiled when Ardith turned and looked at her and waved. She waved back and knew she had to try and live in the now. She would never stop missing Eric or wanting him but she just couldn't live in the past anymore. She needed to focus on her children and the present.

"Yeah, well you know me, Emily. I got to try everything at least once," Sawyer said.

"Yeah, but that?"

"Don't knock it until you try it."

"Sure, I'll just take your word for it. Anyway, I just called to let you know that the book is going into publication right away. I can't wait to get it onto the shelves."

"Alright, thanks for letting me know."

"Anytime. Now, I am going to hang up and I really hope that you start working on the next one."

"I'll see what I can do."

Sawyer hung up then walked into the living room. She grabbed her laptop from the desk and sat on the floor placing her laptop on the coffee table in front of her. She accepted the messy kiss that Aleryck wanted to place on her cheek. She opened the laptop and waited for it to load up. The only story she had in her head at the moment was Eric's story. She remembered everything that he had told her. She clicked on the word document and opened the file she had started. She had started to write the story of Eric and had stopped not thinking that she would be able to continue. She knew now that she needed to finish it. She took a deep breath and started typing.

_I remember the first time he told me about his human life. We had been laying in bed together after making love and it was a few hours until the sun would rise. He held me close to him and I felt at home. He then turned and looked at me and I looked into his pale eyes and fell in love all over again._

_"I was in line to be king after my father," he whispered looking at me._

_"You mean you were a prince?" I asked shocked. I was laying in bed with royalty._

_"I guess that is what you would call it now. I didn't want to take on the responsibility and rule after my father. He tried... He tried so many times to teach me how to lead and I just walked away. I would rather spend time in a pile of hay with the local serving girl instead of listen to him."_

_I just laid there surrounded by him and his scent looking at him and trying to see him as that man he was telling me about. It was hard because to me he just screamed authority. I had watched him in the club and with one look from him he had four people scurrying around trying to get what he wanted. I reached out and stroked his cheek trying to erase the frown that had formed on his beautiful features. I loved the man he had become and I wanted him to know that no matter what he told me I would never run away from him. He had me forever. _

_"Godric, I am here with you. Tell me more," I whispered sitting up and letting the sheet slip from my body as I leaned in and kissed him._

_"I do not want to scare you away."_

_"You never could. I am here with you forever. You know that."_

_"Mercy, I have lived over a thousand years, there is a lot to tell."_

_"Take your time."_

_And he did. It took him many nights, but he told me his full story. Sometimes we laughed, sometimes we cried but though it all I sat beside him and listened as he told me his adventures, some of them more like misadventures but I was glad to hear all of them. And now I am going to share them with you. I hope that by reading Godric's story you will realize that vampires are not evil. They are like us. Are they immortal, yes but by being immortal it just means that they will lose those people they love more then we could ever imagine. As the years past, Godric lost many people he had called friends who were human and after a while he... He started to close himself off from humanity. This is his story, one thousand years in the making. _

Sawyer stopped and wiped the tears that continued to fall. She reread what she had written and thought about what she was doing. She was writing Eric's story. A story that millions would read but he had only meant for her to know. She saved what she had written and then sat there and stared at it. She knew that Eric probably wouldn't like the fact that she was telling everyone his story but she needed to. She needed to get it, get him out of her system. She closed her laptop and looked at her twins. They were looking at her their blue eyes sparkling at her. She got up and took them out of their swings and sat on the floor holding them in her lap. She kissed them each on the head and let more tears fall.

"You know, the man who I wanted to be your daddy, he was so kind and loving. It's true that he never showed that side of himself to many people but he showed it to us. You will never remember, but the first time he held you, he cried," Sawyer whispered wishing she could do more than just talk about Eric to her children. She wanted Eric beside her but knew that that was never going to happen. She sat there telling her children about the man she still thought of as their father and wondered if the pain would ever stop.


	2. Chapter 2

**Year Two: The Best I Ever Had**

Sawyer looked at her children and felt more tears roll down her cheeks. It was their second birthday and she wished that Eric could have been there with them. She had barely made it past their first birthday without him and she hated how now she would have to make it past every birthday now. She pulled Aleryck and Ardith close to her and held them. She closed her eyes and wanted so badly for Eric to be there. She pulled away from her children and gave them each kisses. They kissed her back and then went back to playing clearly not seeing how much pain their mother was in.

She looked at the table and saw the unopened package. She knew it was her books but she didn't want to open it. She didn't even want to look at it because if she did then she would think about Eric and she didn't want to think about him at all. She felt her heart break every time she even thought about him and she knew that she just couldn't take much more. She turned when the door to the town house banged opened and the biological father of her children walked into the kitchen. She turned away from him fearing the worst.

"I got the cake for the party. Are you alright, sweetie?" Jeremy said walking over to her.

Sawyer sighed away from him still feeling the ache on her cheek where his fist had come into contact with her face the night before. She had known that sooner or later he would hit her again but she thought she deserved it. She deserved every hit Jeremy gave her because she had failed her children. She had promised them that they would have a good life with her and Eric but it turned out she had lied to them. She had also turned Eric into someone he was never meant to be. She had made Eric soft by loving him and being with him. What was happening was all her fault and she could never change any of it or turn back the clock. She accepted Jeremy's punches and kicks as punishment for what she had done. And what she was still doing.

"I'm fine, just tired. I think Ardith is coming down with a cold. She was fussy all night," Sawyer said not saying that he wouldn't know because he had been out all night. She felt him run his hand down her back and she told herself not to tense up. She felt his lips on her cheek and then he went over to the children.

She sighed in relief and thought about the fact that she wasn't even trying to pretend that she loved him. Once upon a time she would have tried to fake it and to lie but not now. She was tired and done with all the lies. The last lie she had told was to herself as she had been driving down her driveway the last time. She had told herself that everything would be alright and that she would and could be happy without Eric. She now knew that that was a huge lie. She would never be happy without him and she just wanted to stop pretending.

"Your book came," Jeremy said pulling her attention away from her thoughts again.

"Yeah, it did," she answered.

"Is this the one about him?"

"About who?"

Sawyer knew she was pushing him and for once she didn't care. The memories from the day the twins were born were coming back to her and she just wanted them to stop. She watched as Jeremy placed the cakes on the table and picked up the box. He tossed it into the living room and Sawyer heard it break something in there. She didn't care. She turned and looked at the twins as they stood there on the floor looking at her. They weren't scared having gotten use to the screaming, yelling and things crashing in their home. She felt tears come to her eyes as she thought about how she was failing her kids. They deserved so much better than this and she wouldn't be able to give it to them. She wasn't strong enough anymore. She looked up when Jeremy stepped in front of her and pinned her against the counter.

"You are thinking about him aren't you?" he demanded gently stroking her hair.

"I always think about him," Sawyer answered truthfully.

"You still love him."

Sawyer turned and looked Jeremy in the eyes. She was not going to back down from that question. She refused to deny her love for Eric any longer then she had too. "Yes, I still love him and I always will. Being with you is a mistake, I should have never-."

Sawyer didn't get to finish as Jeremy back handed her across the face. Sawyer held on to the counter to stay standing. She groaned in pain as Jeremy punched her in the stomach. She let go of the counter and fell to her knees. She looked up and saw Ardith and Aleryck watching Jeremy as he pounded Sawyer. She closed her eyes and let more tears fall. She had failed her children. They would grow up watching Jeremy beat her up and she wasn't willing to leave. She didn't think she deserved better; this was what she had chosen she had to live with the consequences. She whimpered as he hit her more and more.

* * *

><p>Eric paced his office again. He stopped and turned to look his desk and looked at the pages laying there. He had begun to write a letter to Sawyer but had stopped when he got this overwhelming feeling that something was wrong with Sawyer. He could still fell her emotions even though it had been two long years since he had seen her. He knew that something was very wrong and it was taking all of his self control not to run to her and find out what was wrong with the other part of his soul. He looked up when the door to the room opened and Pam walked in. She took one look at him and sighed. She shut the door and leaned against it.<p>

"How bad?" she asked knowing the look on his face and knowing that it had something to do with Sawyer; it usually always did these days.

"I can feel her pain and guilt, Pam. It is like she... She is falling apart," Eric answered taking his seat again and trying to at least hold on to some control in front of his child.

"I told you she would. And you are falling apart as well."

"Pam-."

"Please, Eric, you can lie to yourself all you want but don't try to lie to me. You have not been the same since she has left and you know that you never will. The Queen is foolish if she thinks that you'll turn into the heartless asshole you were before you met Sawyer."

Eric raised an eyebrow and looked at Pam, "Is that how you really saw me?" he questioned knowing that she may have a very valid point.

Pam sighed and walked over to the chair in front of Eric's desk and sat down on it. She looked at him and nodded, "I loved you then but yes, you could on occasion be an ass."

"Just on occasion?"

"Alright, most of the time but that isn't the point here. The point is that you were and still are an idiot for giving into the queen."

Eric sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. This was an argument that Pam and he had had on many occasions. He knew that she was angry with him because she cared about Sawyer as well and she knew how painful it was for him not to have his lover in his life. However, Pam refused to see past the point that the queen would have killed Sawyer and the twins if Eric wouldn't have given in to her outrageous demand. Pam still believed that Eric could have killed the queen and all would have been alright in the world; after all Eric was older then the Queen on Louisiana by a good seven hundred years.

"Pam, can we not do this again, you are going to give me another headache," he said.

"You are a vampire, Eric, you don't get headaches."

"You'd be surprised at what pains I get when you open your mouth."

Pam rolled her eyes, "I am sorry but I still cannot believe that you are really sitting there and allowing Sophie-Anne to treat you like her bitch."

"I have no choice, Pam. If I do not allow her to get her own way, Sawyer and the twins will be in danger. I will not risk them."

"Eric-."

"No!" Eric slammed his fists on the desk and stood up, "I am done talking about this. I have made my decision and that is final."

Pam watched as Eric walked out of the office and slammed the door behind him. She knew that he wouldn't come back for a month maybe two. She sighed and closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. She loved her maker and had spent a century by his side but lately the idea of leaving and going on her own was beginning to appeal more and more to her. Eric was becoming someone she didn't even recognize anymore. She took a moment and then pushed those thoughts away. She got up from the chair and walked out of the office and into the club. It would be up to her to run it now; Eric had stopped caring about Fangtasia the moment that Sawyer had left. Pam wanted to hate Sawyer for that but Pam knew how much Eric and Sawyer had meant to each other. She knew that hating them wouldn't help anyone and would only make her bitter. She put on a fake smile and began to mingle with the crowd.

* * *

><p>Sawyer winced as she sat in the bathtub. She griped the edge hard and whimpered a little. She leaned back resting her back against the cool porcelain of the tub. She closed her eyes and let more tears fall. She knew she couldn't lie to herself anymore; she had lost the last shred of dignity she had left. She should be packing up her and the twins and getting the hell out of the house while Jeremy was away getting drunk. Instead she was soaking in the bathtub with no plans on leaving the house she shared with her abuser.<p>

She opened her eyes and looked down at her body. She knew that in the morning she would black and blue but she didn't care anymore. She knew she was only living for her children now and even that wasn't enough sometimes to get out of bed. She turned and looked at the ring she still wore from Eric. She looked at it and thought of the life that she had walked away from and she hated herself for it. She had asked herself why she hadn't stayed and fought to stay with Eric. They had fought her family together and survived that, she should have stayed and they could have fought Sophie-Anne together.

Sawyer felt more tears fall and she looked away from her ring. The truth was she knew that Eric would have never let her take on the queen with him. He would have walked back into the house and done something to make her hate him so that she would throw him out or leave. And that was why she had been the first one to leave; she knew that she had needed to do it because it would have killed Eric to have to be the one to do. He had lost so much and she had left to prevent him from having to stand there and push her away from him. Too bad that it hadn't saved her the pain.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Eric," she whispered closing her eyes and picturing his beautiful face. "I miss you so damn much."

She let more tears fall and she sobbed a little. She wiped her tears after a few moments and vowed that she wasn't going to cry anymore. She knew that that was a lie. She knew that she would cry more tears for Eric and their lost love; it was all she could do for him now.

* * *

><p>Sookie climbed out of bed when she heard the window break. She grabbed her robe and a baseball bat that had been by her bed. She walked down the hall to the room that had been Sawyer's a few years before. She stopped and heard movement in the room. She took another step and grabbed the door handle. She pushed the door open and held the bat tight. She flipped the light on and swung the bat. She yelped when Eric grabbed the bat and ripped it out of her hands.<p>

"What the hell?" she demanded looking at him finally finding her voice.

"You were about to hit me," Eric answered tossing the bat aside.

"You broke into my house in the middle of the night! Of course I was going to hit you! I thought you were a burglar!"

"Well, I am not. So now you can leave me alone?"

"But why would you..." Sookie trailed off as she saw that the closet was open and a couple of boxes had been taken out. One was opened and Sookie saw that a photo album had been taken out. Sawyer had asked Sookie to hold on to the family photographs of Eric, her and the twins as a family. She had said that she didn't want Eric to have them for the simple reason that he needed to move on.

"What?" Eric demanded.

"You could have asked me for them, Eric. I wouldn't have kept them from you."

Eric looked away from Sookie and the pity in her eyes. He walked over to the box and placed the photo album back inside and closed the box, "I will return them in a couple of days," was he could manage to tell her.

"You can keep them if you want."

"It's better if I don't."

"Eric-."

Sookie sighed when she saw Eric just leave out the window. She really hated vampire speed. She walked over to the window and sighed when she saw glass on the ground and the pane broken out. She turned and walked out of the room. She would clean up the mess before going back to bed. She wouldn't complain about it or bitch about how thoughtless Eric was. For once, she could understand why he had done what he did and she was alright with it. She had understood Eric's need to see his family; even if it was only in picture form. She opened the closet door in the hall and pulled out the broom and walked back to the room to clean the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Year Three: Coming Home Hurts**

Sawyer signed her name in the cover pages of her newest book and smiled as the teenage girl told her how great Sawyer's books were and how much she loved to read them. Sawyer nodded and watched as she walked away and someone else walked up to the table. Sawyer usually loved the book signing as it gave her a chance to speak to her fans and get their thoughts on her books. This time though, it was hard to keep her mind focused on the task at hand. She was in New Orleans and she couldn't stop herself from doing the math on how long it would take her to drive to Shreveport to Fangtasia; more importantly to Eric. It had been three years since she had left their home in Bon Temps. Three years since the damnable Queen of Louisiana had ordered Eric to walk away from her. Sawyer had a half a mind to find this queen and stake her.

"Sawyer, smile damn it," her editor and current babysitter on this book tour, Emily said.

"You made me come here, you are making me spend three goddamn days in this town, but I swear as God is my witness you are not going to make me smile," Sawyer muttered signing her name in the book.

"Well, isn't that a shame since I've missed your beautiful smile," the man in front of her said.

Sawyer looked up and couldn't believe her eyes. There in front of her was Sam Merlotte. She looked behind him and saw Sookie there as well. Sawyer smiled and felt tears come to her eyes. She jumped up and walked around the table jumping in Sam's arms. She cried as he hugged her tight against him. She took in his scent and closed her eyes. It was like she was back at Merlotte's with Terry and Lafayette in the kitchen while she waited tables. His scent brought her back to Bon Temps the only place that had ever felt like home.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she asked pulling away glad that Sookie and Sam were the last two in line for the signing.

"We have been following your career, Sawyer. And when we heard you were coming to New Orleans we knew we had to come and support you," Sookie said hugging her friend.

"Support me? You guys didn't have to do that."

"Yes, we did. Life hasn't been the same in Bon Temps without you. We needed to come and see you. We do miss you, you know," Sam said smiling at her.

"Sawyer, we can-," Emily started.

"I'm going out with my friends, Emily. Don't wait up."

Sawyer grabbed her bag and her baseball cap and pulled it on. She grabbed an arm full of books and handed them to Sam then shoved him and Sookie out the door. She stepped out on the street with them and wished that she could go back to Bon Temps with them. She wanted to go back home but knew that she couldn't. She couldn't be that close to Eric and not want to be with him. She smiled when Sookie took her arm and lead her down the street to a small cafe. Sawyer smiled when she saw Jessica, Bill and Hoyt sitting there waiting at a table. Sawyer laughed when Jessica squealed and ran over to hug her.

"I wanted to go in but Bill was being mean and grouchy," Jessica said pulling away and taking off Sawyer's cap and placing it on her own head.

"Jessica, please. Act your age and not like a child," Bill said.

"I am a child!"

"Wow, it's nice to know that nothing has changed," Sawyer laughed sitting beside Bill at the table. She smiled at him and was shocked when he hugged her. She hugged him back then pulled away. She looked at him and saw understanding in his eyes.

"It is nice to see you, Sawyer. We have missed you a lot back home," he said.

"I missed you too. Oh, those books Sam is holding, well they're for you guys. There should also be enough for Terry, Arlene, Lafayette and Tara. I can sign them if you want."

"Please. Mama won't believe it," Hoyt said smiling at her.

"Oh no, don't tell me, your Mama is still as lovely as ever?"

"Freakin cow," Jessica muttered.

"Jessica!" Bill admonished.

Sawyer smiled and watched as Sam placed the books on the table and sat beside her. She looked at him and wiped her tears away. She let him take her hand as she listened to everyone tell her about their lives back in Bon Temps. She listened as Hoyt told her about moving out and moving in with Jessica after Bill had moved in with Sookie. She smiled when he described his mother's reaction; she could almost see Mrs. Fortenberry bursting a blood vessel. Sookie told her about Arlene and Terry having two little boys. One of them named Sawyer after Terry had read Sawyer's previous book and realized that Arlene and him were in it.

Sawyer tried not to think about that book. The book that she had written with Eric beside her. She just didn't want to think about the nights that she had sat up in bed rereading her chapters while he had rubbed her feet or held her ice cream for her reading over her shoulder. Every once and a while he would make a suggestion and she would glare at him and he would then remain silent. Writing had been so easy with Eric but now once again she was struggling. The only thing that she could write about now was Bon Temps. She had changed everyone's name, even the town's name but she knew that everyone sitting at the table knew what she was really writing about. The hardest part was writing Mercy with her vampire lover, Godric. Sawyer knew that she wasn't fooling anyone in Bon Temps or at this table and that they knew Godric was based on Eric. Eric who she couldn't spend one day not thinking about; Eric who should have been the one helping her raise her children not the bastard she was with. More tears came to her eyes.

"Tell me he's okay," she whispered cutting Bill off as he talked about how he had finally finished fixing up the old Compton home. She looked up and met everyone's eyes at the table, "just tell me he's his old selfish, ruthless self and that he never thinks or talks about me. Hell, tell me he's fucking Yvetta again, just tell me that he's okay," she practically begged.

"Come on, Jess. We should let them tell her," Hoyt said getting up. He saw Jessica nod. They both went over to Sawyer and hugged her. Hoyt kissed her on the cheek as Jessica placed the hat back on her head. She watched them go then looked at Bill, Sookie and Sam.

"Tell me what?" she asked softly.

"Eric, he's... Well, in some ways, he is his old self," Bill said.

"But?"

"In other ways he isn't. He is barely at Fangtasia anymore and when he is... He spends most of his time in the office writing," Sookie said.

"Writing what?" Sawyer asked frowning. Eric had never been a writer, ever. She could count on one hand the times she had seen his writing. He was more a verbal man.

"Letters to you," Sam said reaching in his back pocket and pulling them out, "I go by your old place every once and a while. I was shocked the first couple of times to see the mail box full. He sends them back there to you. I guess... I guess he hopes one day you'll come home and find them."

Sawyer looked at the package of letters and felt more tears come to her eyes. She knew what each other those letters would say. She had written him her own letters to know what they would say. She knew they would say he loved her, he missed her and that above all else, he would never forget her as long as he lived; which being a vampire meant forever. Her hand shook as she reached over and touched the bundle. She could almost feel him beside her. She closed her eyes and dropped her hand on the table.

"Why did you bring them? Why are you here?" she demanded opening her eyes and looking at the people that had been her family.

"You need to come home, Sawyer. I heard your thoughts in the store. Jeremy is going to hit you again and again and maybe next time you won't survive it," Sookie said.

"Sawyer, please tell you didn't go back to him," Sam said looking at her.

"Where else was I supposed to go, Sam? Where?" she demanded.

"You could have stayed in Bon Temps, it is your home," Bill tried.

"I can't be there. I can't be in that house and not... Not without him, I just can't do that."

"You can't handle living without Eric so you're punishing yourself by being with a man who hits you?" Sookie asked.

"He's Ardith and Aleryck's father."

"That doesn't make it right or safe."

"I can't do this. I have a long day tomorrow, I need to go."

Sawyer got up and grabbed the bundle of letters and walked away. She kept walking even though she heard Sam calling after her. She turned the corner and stopped. She couldn't see where she was going any longer because her tears were blurring her version. She leaned against the wall and started sobbing. Three years and she still couldn't deal with everything that had happened in Bon Temps. She looked up when Sam came around the corner and looked at her. She let more tears fall and welcomed his arms around her.

"You know, I still can't believe after all this time, I am still running after you," Sam whispered softly as he held her.

"You know that I couldn't stay there, Sam. I couldn't be in there knowing that I could never have him again," she cried.

"Shh, I know. And I think deep down, Sookie and Bill know it too. We're just all worried about you. We are love you, Sawyer and we know that you'll in pain. We can read it in your books."

"I tried so damn hard not to put my pain there."

"You did a good job. It's only the people that know you that can see it."

Sawyer nodded. She stayed in Sam's arms trying to forget about everything else in her life. She didn't want to think about her pain, her problems or anything else. She just wanted to stay in Sam's arms and pretend that she was back in Bon Temps. She wanted so desperately to go back to her home; to Eric. She knew though that she couldn't. Both of those things were cut off from her and would stay that way forever. She sobbed more at the thought of never seeing Eric again.

* * *

><p>Eric stood down the street watching Sawyer as she cried in Sam's arms. Pam had offered to be the one to watch her and follow Sawyer while she was in New Orleans but Eric had told her he would do it. The Queen had ordered him not to be with Sawyer, not that he couldn't watch her from a far. He watched as Sam wrapped an arm around Sawyer's shoulders and pulled her down the street. Eric saw that Sawyer was still crying and he ached to be the one holding her and comforting her.<p>

He followed them far behind grateful for his extraordinary hearing. He could hear Sam's comforting words to Sawyer and Sawyer's replies. He missed hearing her voice and feeling her touch him. He reached up and gently touched the Valhalla pendant. It had been three years but it never left its spot from around his neck. He stopped walking when Sam and Sawyer reached the hotel. He watched as Sawyer pulled away from Sam and wiped her tears.

"Thank you, Sam, for these. I just... I don't know if I'll be able to read them," he heard her soft voice say from about a block away.

"At least you have them. He still loves you, you know," Sam said.

"And how would you know, Sam?"

"Because you would be a hard woman to stop loving."

Eric rolled his eyes. He wondered where the hell some men came up with those cheesy lines. He watched as Sawyer kissed Sam on the cheek and then turned and walked into the hotel. Eric turned and started to walk back down the block. It was time to head back to his own hotel. He needed to find something to do to keep his mind off of the fact that Sawyer was so close to him and he couldn't have her. He shoved his hands in his jean pockets and tried to think of other things. He couldn't though. Sawyer was the one that was on his mind all the time and had been for three years. He loved her and he knew that no amount of time or space between them would ever change that.

* * *

><p><em>Vacker, <em>

_As I write this, it has been two years since I last saw you. I know that this letter like all the rest will remain unopened and unanswered. Every night I sit in my cold apartment and think of things that I would say to you if I ever got the chance to see you again. Of course that is after I would berate you for not letting me say goodbye. _

Sawyer ran her finger over the crimson smear on the side of the page. She knew that it came from one of Eric's blood tears. She felt tears come to her eyes and she closed them and hugged the letter close to her. She could feel Eric's pain in his words. She opened her eyes and looked at the letter then back down at the bundle. She had just grabbed one from the middle and opened it. Later she would put them in order by date and year but right then, she just wanted to hear Eric's voice in her head and feel him close to her. She wiped away her tears and looked back at the letter.

_Ardith and Aleryck would have turned two yesterday. I know without a doubt that they are beautiful children; after all you are their mother. I wish... I wish that I could be the one helping you raise those children; I wanted to be the one. But we both know that we cannot choose our fate sometimes. And in this choice I was powerless. I cannot stop myself from worrying about you or the twins. I know that you are strong and you will protect those children with your life but... I just worry because I am not there._

_Sawyer, I need you here with me. I knew that from the moment I set eyes on you. You pulled me towards you and now I am lost. I have tried to be the man you wished me to be again, but I cannot. Too much has happened, too much inside of me has changed. Without you beside me, I feel incomplete. The Queen can issue orders and you can ask me to that man again but it will never happen. You changed me, Sawyer. You made me feel and I will never, EVER let that slip away from me again. If only I could have made sure you never slipped away as well. Love always, Eric._

Sawyer sobbed into her pillow. She laid there and cried hugging the letter close to her. God, she missed him. She missed his scent, his touch everything about him. Most of all she missed being able to call him hers. She fell asleep hugging the letters close to her wishing that she could have the man who wrote them beside her instead.

* * *

><p>Eric paced in front of the door. He had lasted one night. He knew he needed to see her. He just couldn't walk away when she was so close to him again. He stopped and knocked knowing the moment he did it that it had been a mistake. He couldn't take it back though. He looked up as the door opened. He saw Sawyer standing there in a pair of jeans and a sweater. She had never looked so beautiful to him. He saw the shock on her face.<p>

"Eric, what... You can't be here," she said suddenly looking around the hall as if she feared that Sophie-Anne's men would come and drag him away.

"I could not stay away. How could you expect me to when you came here?" he demanded staying where he was despite wanting, needing to be closer to her.

"My editor made me come. She said it would be good for the book."

"I read it. Every word. It's our story, isn't it?"

Sawyer looked at Eric tears coming to her eyes. She turned away from him and wanted so badly to invite him inside. She wanted to have him hold her close and love her. Her heart ached for him. She turned back and wiped her tears away.

"Yes, it's our story. I needed... I needed to tell it to try and put you in my past; to get over you," she said looking up her eyes looking into his pale eyes and seeing his pain and hurt. She knew he was hurting as much as she was.

"And have you?" Eric whispered waiting.

Sawyer looked up at her former lover and needed to touch him. She walked out of the room and jumped in his arms. She cried when his arms crushed her to him and his mouth claimed hers. She wrapped her legs around his waist tight and her arms around his neck. She felt him press her back against the wall and his strong body against her as his lips and tongue reminded her how it felt to be kissed by the man she loved. She pulled away and took a breath the tears rolling down her cheeks. She pulled her arm back and ran her hand along his cheek seeing a blood tear roll down.

"Why do you haunt me?" she whispered kissing him again.

"I love you still, Vacker. I just can't..."

"Shh, I know. I just... Kiss me one last time."

Eric kissed her again. He took the opportunity to slip the picture in her back pocket. He kissed her hard and deep trying to remember her taste, her scent. He then yanked himself away and used his vampire speed to quickly leave her standing in the hall. He felt the blood tears roll down his cheeks but he just couldn't tell her goodbye. He couldn't stand in front of her and tell her goodbye, it would have been telling them both that it was over. It would have been so final and he couldn't bear the thought of it being over forever for them.

Sawyer stood in the hall her eyes closed wishing that Eric had stayed. She opened her eyes and they filled with tears when she saw the empty hallway. She turned and walked back into her room and slammed the door. She reached behind her into her back pocket her hand shaking. She had felt him place the picture there. She pulled it out and looked at it. Her legs gave away on her. She slid down the door and to the floor more tears rolling down her cheeks. She looked at the picture of her and Eric at Arlene's wedding reception. Sawyer smiled when she saw how huge she was. And there sitting beside her was Eric. His arm was draped on the back of her chair and he was smiling. More tears rolled down her cheeks as she realized why he had given her this picture. She had left all pictures behind of them together; even the small amount of ones that had them and the twins. She couldn't think of having those pictures with her and trying to move on. Eric was telling her he couldn't move on either. This picture was proof that no matter how many years past, they would still haunt each other's memories and hearts. She flipped the picture over and saw Eric's elegant writing.

_I can't forget you. I have gone though three copies of the new book already. I keep reading it over and over to try and remember what it was like having you with me every night. Listening to Sophie-Anne is turning out to be the one thing in 1000 years that I will regret more than anything else._

Sawyer banged her head against the wall. She started to sob. She held the picture close to her and rocked back and forth. She had known that coming to New Orleans had been a mistake the minute they had arrived. She knew that now she would never be able to get over Eric now. She had been fooling herself to think that he would have just forgotten about her, that she had meant nothing to him. Eric had and would love her forever. She would die, her children would die, her grandchildren would die and he would still be there, in Shreveport, in Fangtasia writing to her and loving her.

She slowly got to her feet and walked over to the desk in her room where her laptop was set up. She had been writing her next Mercy book. She had been planning on Mercy having to leave Godric just like she had been forced to leave Eric but now... She would give her characters what Sophie-Anne had denied her and Eric; a happy ending.


	4. Chapter 4

**Year Four: Tired of Crying**

Eric stood at Sam Merlotte's door not truly believing that it had come to this. He was about to ask a shapeshifter to do something for him. He shook his head and knocked before he changed his mind. He held the bag at his side hoping that Sam would agree to do what he asked. He had heard from Jessica that Sam was planning a trip to New York and Eric knew that this was his chance to give his children some much overdue birthday and Christmas gifts. He sighed and tried to remind himself not to think of Ardith and Aleryck as his children anymore; not that it would do much good. He never listened to himself anymore.

Sam opened the door and had to admit that he was shocked to see Eric standing there. He looked around Eric expecting to see Sookie or Jessica with the sheriff of area 5 but Sam soon realized that Eric was all alone. Eric stood there and looked at him and all Sam could think of doing was looking back.

"Are you going to invite me in or not?" Eric asked rolling his eyes slightly. He really didn't understand how Sawyer had ever counted Sam as one of her friends. He was a shapeshifter and a slow moving one at that.

"Was I supposed to invite you in? I don't remember you saying you were going to drop by," Sam said, "Hell, I don't remember anyone saying that you would be dropping by."

"I heard from Jessica that you were headed to New York."

"I am."

Eric looked at Sam and waited. Sam looked back at him and Eric really wanted to hit him but he knew that wasn't the way to get what he wanted out of the shapeshifter, "I have a favour to ask you," he finally said hating how helpless he sounded whenever he asked someone for help.

Sam stood still not sure that he had heard the vampire right. He knew Eric and the last thing he knew that Eric Northman would ever do would be to ask people for help. He scratched his chin and looked at Eric again slightly confused, "I could have sworn that you just said you needed me to do a favour for you," Sam said needing to make sure that he had heard right and that the great all powerful Eric Northman needed help.

Eric grinded his teeth together, "Yes, I need your help with something."

Sam nodded and moved away from the doorway of the trailer, "Then come in."

Eric really wanted to grab Sam and break him into small tiny pieces but he managed the control his anger and walked into the trailer slamming the door behind him. He followed Sam into the living room and stopped when he saw a picture on the wall. He felt sadness enter his heart when he looked at the smiling faces of Ardith and Aleryck. They would be four soon and he had missed out on so much. He looked at Aleryck and saw that his son had Sawyer's brown hair and that the boy's eyes were a soft blue. Aleryck was smiling and Eric could see that he was missing a front tooth. It brought a smile to his face and he turned and looked at Ardith. His daughter was beautiful and reminded him so much of Sawyer. Ardith had her mother's brilliant eyes and the same soft brown hair as both her mother and brother. Ardith wasn't smiling instead she held a thoughtful look on her face and Eric was reminded of all the times he had seen that same look on Sawyer's face. He turned and saw Sam watching him.

"I asked Sawyer to send me some pictures of the kids. She sends some to Jessica and Sookie as well. Not too many and they always come with a letter asking us not to give them to you or to ever let you see them," Sam explained.

Eric nodded and smiled a little, "She is still trying to protect me," he said softly.

Sam nodded, "We keep telling her that seeing them might to be good for you, but... You know Sawyer."

"Yes, I do. And that is why I need your help."

Sam watched as Eric placed the bag that he carried on the couch. Sam knew that inside the bag were probably gifts for Ardith and Aleryck and that Eric knew that if he sent them himself to Sawyer that Sawyer would probably just send them back. Sam sometimes wished that Sawyer and Eric would both admit that they were still very much in love with each other and that nothing was ever going to change that. Sam, Sookie and Jessica had talked many times about how they could help Sawyer and by extension Eric deal with having to live apart and so far none of them had come up with an answer. It had been four years since Sawyer had left and yet Sam knew that to Eric it probably just felt like it had happened yesterday.

"So what do you need me to do?" Sam asked looking at Eric and wondering when he had stopped hating the vampire and had started to feel sorry for him.

"These are gifts for the twins. I know Sawyer and if I tried to send them to her, she would return them un-opened. I wish," Eric paused, "I wish for them to have these gifts."

"You still think of them as yours, don't you?"

Eric looked at Sam and then looked down at the bag of gifts. He reached behind him and dug into his back pocket. He pulled out his leather wallet and flipped it open. He showed Sam the picture there of Ardith and Aleryck when they had been two weeks old. It was the first picture he had taken of them and it was not until he had taken the photo albums from Sookie's home was he able to get it back. He looked up and met the shapeshifter's eyes.

"I will always think of them as mine. Just as I will always think of Sawyer as mine. I have spent four years trying to live everyday without them beside me and everyday all I can think about is them. I know you may not understand but," Eric looked away hating when he saw pity in Sam's eyes, "I am going to live forever and everyday for another thousand or more years, I am going to be thinking about them and how I had to give them up. At least your pain will stop when you die. Mine won't ever."

Sam nodded, "I will make sure the twins get them." He watched as Eric nodded then turned to leave, "Eric," he called.

Eric turned and looked at him, "What?"

"I don't know if this helps but," Sam paused and shrugged, "Sawyer has sent me a couple of emails and she misses you too. She says that sometimes you are all she can think about."

Eric gave a small smile and closed his eyes for a moment, "It should help but it really just makes it worse."

Sam didn't say anything else as the vampire left his trailer. He stood there beginning to wonder how it was that two people who loved each other deeply couldn't be allowed to be together. He wished that he was a stronger person because then he would have gone to New Orleans himself and killed the damn queen. However, he knew that he never would get past her guards and he had learned long ago that causing wars and using violence always ended in something ugly that was unforgivable. Sam sighed and grabbed the bag of gifts and carried it over to his where luggage was. He would make sure not to forget it when he left for the airport.

* * *

><p>Sawyer smiled as she watched Ardith and Aleryck on the playground at their preschool. She usually let them play for an hour before taking them home for dinner. She watched as Aleryck climbed across the monkey-bars. She hugged herself when she thought about how Eric should have been with her watching them. She then reminded herself that Eric couldn't have been with them as the sun was shining brightly outside. A voice inside her did remind her that even if he couldn't have been there with her at the moment, she wished that he could have been at home waiting for her and the twins. Four years being away from him hadn't changed how much she loved him or felt like she needed him. The ache in her side reminded her that she was living a life with a man that she shouldn't be with; the man she should be with, however had been forbidden to her.<p>

"Mommy look!" Ardith yelled getting Sawyer's attention.

"I see you baby," she answered smiling as her daughter swung higher and higher on the swing.

She watched Ardith swing and wondered again if she would ever be able to find the courage to tell her children about Eric. She wanted so much for them to know that there was a man out there who had loved them enough to allow them to call him father. Jeremy wouldn't allow them that and Sawyer was partly happy that her children called him by his first name. She still couldn't think of him as their father and had gone as far as to register the twins in school as Ardith and Aleryck Northman. She hadn't changed their names needing to hold on to as much as she could to any part of Eric; even if it was just his last name for her children. She closed her eyes for a moment and pushed those thoughts aside. She needed to stop focusing so much on what she had lost and what was right in front of her. She opened her eyes and smiled wider when she saw Aleryck pushing Ardith on the swing. Her children were continuously looking out for one another. It brought tears to her eyes when she thought about how she and Finn had started out that way. She prayed that her children stayed as close as they were now forever. She wanted them to be able to rely on each other; she wanted for them the relationship she had been denied with her brother.

"I figured I would find you here," she heard Sam say. She jumped slightly and turned to face him. She was mildly shocked that he was there.

"I thought your plane wasn't arriving until tonight," she said getting off the bench and hugging him.

"I managed to get an earlier flight. Spent an hour waiting outside your townhouse before I realized you'd be here with the kids," Sam said pulling away and turning to look at the twins, "My god, they are some good looking kids."

Sawyer smiled, "Thanks. That still doesn't explain how you found the school?"

Sam blushed slightly, "Your neighbour. Mrs. Hickens seems to like how I wear my jeans."

Sawyer smirked, "Well, Sam I never said anything but you do have one fine ass."

Sam rolled his eyes, "I knew the big city would corrupt you."

"Knowing you have a great ass, didn't come from being here in the city. That came from the long days at Merlotte's and having nothing else to notice but how nice and tight those jeans fit your nice tight ass."

Sam blushed and shook his head, "You really know how to flatter a guy."

Before Sawyer could answer, Aleryck was pulling on her jacket. She looked down at her son and saw his pale blue eyes looking at her then looking at Sam. "Mommy, whose this?" he asked trying to make his voice deep and tough.

Sam smiled and kneeled down to stand eye level with the little boy, "I'm your mom's friend, Sam. You can call me Sam."

Aleryck's eyes became wide, "You're Uncle Sam? Mommy talks about you all the time."

Sam looked at Sawyer shocked but he hugged Aleryck when the little boy launched himself in his arms. A moment later, Ardith was also pushing her way into his arms and Sam hugged her as well. Sam watched as Sawyer wiped away tears that rolled down her cheeks. It seemed she had told her children a little about her friends in Bon Temps. Sam was pretty sure that he could say with complete certainty that Sawyer hadn't told the twins about Eric and how he should have been their father if it weren't for a spoiled queen.

* * *

><p>Eric looked over the books for Fangtasia listening as the loud music echoed in the small office. He heard the laughter from the club but blocked it out of his mind. He also tried to block out of his mind Sam being in New York and thinking about whether or not he had given the gifts to the twins yet. He finally dropped his pen and looked away from the computer screen. He could no longer lie to himself and pretend to be interesting in accounting when in reality his mind was once again focused on Sawyer.<p>

He pushed away from the desk and stood up knowing that he was about to spend another night pacing the office back and forth thinking about Sawyer. He had spent many nights the past four years pacing back and forth thinking about ways that he could get around Sophie-Anne's ruling and how he could see Sawyer. He thought of killing Sophie-Anne, going to New York and taking Sawyer and the twins and disappearing; he had thought of every plan he could. In the end though, he knew that none of these plans would work. Someone would tell the queen and she would find them and then Eric would have to watch as Sawyer and the twins were killed. He knew that there was nothing else he could do but to listen to the queen and obey her ruling.

He grabbed his lamp and tossed it against the wall; it was the tenth lamp that year to fall victim to his anger and the year wasn't even half finished. He stood there and looked at the ruins of the lamp and realized that they reminded him of the ruins of his relationship with Sawyer. The pieces were scattered across the floor and Eric knew that no matter how many pieces he picked up he would probably miss the smallest one and would not be able to put the lamp back together; just like Sawyer and him. No matter how many plans he thought of, or how many gifts he sent to her and the twins under the names of others, he would never be able to get back what they had had before. That was over and would forever be over and until he accepted that and moved on he would be in continual pain.

He shook his head and walked over to the couch and grabbed his leather jacket. He decided that he would rather go home to his empty lonely apartment and sit in the dark then stay in that office and contemplate giving up Sawyer. He wasn't ready for that yet. He pulled on his jacket and walked out of the office and down the hallway. As he did he realized that he might never be ready to let her go.

* * *

><p>Sawyer sat beside Sam on the couch in her living room. She handed him the cup of coffee and was grateful that Jeremy had learned of Sam's visit and decided to take a business trip of his own. She knew that when he got back he was going to beat her senseless but she didn't care. Being able to sit there next to Sam and remember all the good times brought her more happiness then spending four years with Jeremy ever had. She watched as Sam set a bag on the coffee table. She looked at him and raised an eyebrow.<p>

"You didn't have to bring gifts, you know. You being here is good enough for me," Sawyer told him.

"Well... I actually didn't bring them. Well, I brought them but I didn't buy them," Sam answered truthfully.

Sawyer sighed, "Please tell me they aren't from Eric."

"They aren't from Eric."

"Are you lying?"

"I think I will plead the fifth on that one."

Sawyer sipped more coffee and then placed her mug on the end table. She grabbed the bag and set it on her lap pulling it open so she could look inside. She saw wrapped boxes in various sizes. The names on the boxes were all Aleryck and Ardith. She frowned when she saw one that had Vacker written on it. She reached inside and pulled it out. She looked at it debating whether she should open it or not.

Sam watched her and saw the debate happening in her mind. He reached out and took the slim box from her and opened it. Inside was a blue velvet necklace box. He took that out and opened it. He frowned and showed the necklace to Sawyer. It held two runes on it and Sawyer felt tears come to her eyes and she recognized what they were.

"What are they?"

"Runes. This one," she said picking up the rune that appeared to be a bunch of crosses in the shape of a Celtic cross, "is a special cross rune. It is to ward off evil and ghosts," she let it drop and picked up the other one which looked like half circles connected to a full circle, "this one is a danobus rune. It is supposed to fulfill wishes," she also let that one drop.

Sam looked at the runes then looked at Sawyer, "So what is exactly is Eric telling you?"

Sawyer looked at Sam, "So you admit these are from Eric?"

Sam looked at her, then rolled his eyes, "Yes, now answer my question."

Sawyer took the necklace out of the slim box and held the silver chain and runes in her hand. She looked at it and shrugged, "I guess he is trying to say that he hopes my wish of forgetting him will be fulfilled and that he is trying to ward off the ghost of our relationship," she answered.

Sam looked at them, "No, he is trying to ward off the ghost of Sophie-Anne and the wish he wants fulfilled is for you two to be back together."

Sawyer looked at Sam, "Since when are you an expert on Eric Northman?"

Sam shrugged, "Since I am a man and I know what it is like to love someone and wish you could change how it ended and fix it."

Sawyer let Sam take the necklace from her hand and place it around her neck. She turned letting him do up the closure. She looked down at the two runes and wiped away her tears. She was knew that Eric was replacing her Valhalla pendant and she felt her heart swell with love at the thought that after all this time, he was still thinking about her. She turned back and faced Sam and gave him a soft smile. She then looked back in the bag of gifts for Alreyck and Ardith.

"You aren't going to open them all, are you?" he asked softly.

Sawyer didn't answer. She saw two slim boxes each bearing the name of one of her children. She pulled them out and looked at them. She looked at them and bit her lip thoughtfully. She was wondering whether or not to open or let her children open them. Depending on what the gifts were however, she may not be able to lie and say that they were from her. She didn't want Sam to lie to her children about the gifts being from him. Most of all, however, she didn't want her children asking too many questions about Bon Temps and her life there. She told a little about her friends but she always avoided the questions that demanded she gave more details to them. She knew that sooner or later, they would find out about Eric; whether it was because of her books or Jeremy telling them she knew they would find out. She just wanted to ensure that it wasn't anytime soon. She swore softly and opened both boxes looking inside.

The one marked Aleryck held a silver pendant hanging from a black string. She looked at it and saw that it looked like an Odin's Knot talisman. She ran her finger over it gently and then closed the box. The one marked Ardith held a pendant on a silver chain. She looked at the talisman and saw that it was of the Norse goddess Freya. She smiled and closed that box as well. She placed both back in the bag then placed the bag on the floor beside her.

"Well?" Sam asked after several moments of silence had passed.

"Eric is still thinking of the twins as them being his," she whispered.

"You didn't need a bag of gifts to tell you that, though."

"No, I didn't. I guess it wouldn't do any harm to let the twins have the gifts. It's just," Sawyer closed her eyes, "it's hard enough letting him go without having these gifts laying around the house reminding me of him."

Sam wrapped his arm around Sawyer's shoulders and pulled her close to him, "Sawyer, I hate to be the one to say it but, if you haven't let him go by now, you aren't ever going to let him go."

Sawyer nodded knowing that Sam was telling the truth. She was not over Eric and she knew that she never would be. She reached up and began to toy with the runes. She closed her eyes and made her wish. _I want Eric back; I want us to be a family again_. She then let the rune fall and snuggled close to Sam. She told herself not to hope for impossible miracles; she knew she wouldn't ever be with Eric again.

* * *

><p>AN: Alrighty, so those are all the one-shots. The sequel to Tainted Love is called For Everything a Reason and I will be posting that one possibly sometime time tonight. At least the first couple of chapters. I hope you enjoyed these one-shots. See y'all in the next one. Peace.


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